Two nights ago I couldn’t sleep. Sleeplessness is a rarity for me. Too much coffee and sugar consumed on my first day in Essaouira? Solstice? Excitement? While tossing and turning I got up and decided to do some research about the Jews of Essaouira. Once a large vibrant community of merchants and silversmiths, now nearly vanished. When I finally gave up on trying to sleep, I mapped out my route and headed for the Mellah neighborhood and the Haïm Pinto Synagogue.
Walking slowly like a robot. That’s how I am. A friend who is not on Facebook contacted me today because she hadn’t seen an update on my blog for a month. I was amazed that anyone noticed. I’ll start with a health update. It’s been 11 weeks since I tore my right meniscus. I decided about 10 weeks ago to not have surgery. I will post some articles below which support my decision. I’ve been actively doing physical therapy, and pursuing alternatives. My quads just starting working about a week ago.
In November of 2011 I attended my first 10-day silent meditation retreat at Spirit Rock. Waiting around in the dining hall for the others to check in, having a few last moments of random conversation. Advice was flowing from other more experienced meditators, things like, “you won’t make it to every session,” and “remember, there’s no meditation police.”
Writing to write. Write write write. Type type type. Epiphanies arrive and float by. Pens and keyboards seem far away. Trying to move through time and heal along the way. Trying not to let the situation get me too depressed. Feeling myself moving back to that place where I was before I started dancing. Fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear that my body won’t support me. Fear that I will fall down. Fear that some part of me will break.
When I experience something powerful and potent, I want to talk about it. I want to put light on it. I want others to share in the discovery. I had a powerful experience a few months ago which connected me to a sense of trust and belief in nature. That’s all I can say about it now. A miracle shared is a miracle halved. At least that’s what I heard.
The healer I’m working with is educating me about the importance of big open questions, left open so as not to limit the answers. I like that. Power in repeating the questions, and destroying any obstacles to a life full of ease, joy, and glory. She didn't know it, but during our session I was wearing a Ganesh under my many layers.
My friendships are like a constantly shifting inner circle. Picture a spirograph moving with different colored pen on ink configurations. Each point of connection representing moments that are at times touching, at times on opposite sides. Intersecting with others at the same time. And always maintaining connection, even when there are vast spaces in between. I am so grateful for my friends.
Nothing prepares you for miracles. Nothing prepares you for death. It’s a miracle this amazing life keeps going. I feel like I experienced a miracle in my body. I felt the healing energy coming. I was able to press out a lot of the pain myself, with divine skilled guidance. I was referred to a healer, we emailed and spoke over the phone.
Someone has to do it. I want to tell you about many things. Will try to focus on a few for today’s post. Understand my mind jumps around, like my body, so my writing style will mirror who I am. It will jump around. It will spin. It will move in spirals. It will be slow and boring at times. It will also make you fall in love.
Writing can be a battle. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head that I want to get onto paper while my body has a hard time slowing down. I know your mind wants punctuation in that last sentence and is struggling to correct the grammar some way. Bear with me. This is the way I talk and experience things.